My date was my best guy friend. Since I was never asked to any of the dances, I had to ask him.
Between songs, our group would go to different roller coasters for a ride.
This particular ride was new. I'd never been on it before.
Once it was our turn, we chose our seats, sat down, and waited for the safety bar to be lowered over us. Each rider had their own seat and their own safety bar. The bar lowered over me. I waited. It didn't lock in place.
I sucked in my stomach even further than I already was.
And waited.
The damn safety bar didn't lock in place. Was it my size? Yes, of course it was.
The ride operator walked over, attempted to push the safety bar in place while I practically suffocated. It didn't work. He said I was too large to ride the ride.
Instant panic, humiliation, tears, and horror. This had somehow never happened to me, although I'd been overweight my whole life and gone to plenty of amusement parks.
I don't know if my friends heard what he'd said (they must have) or if they were just trying to make me feel better (bless their hearts!), but they asked me why my seat was broken. Between tears, I told them I wasn't sure, but that I had to go to the bathroom anyway, so they could stay on the ride and I'd meet them at the gate when it was over. And I bolted. Ran straight for the nearest bathroom, and cried.
That's all I remember of my senior Winter Formal dance. I don't remember where we went for dinner before the dance, I don't remember how we got there, or what we did afterward. All I remember is the humiliation of that moment on the ride, and vowing to myself to lose weight and never experience anything like that again.
But I didn't. I didn't lose the weight, and although nothing like that has happened again, I'm still terrified it will. So that's why I'm changing NOW. It's never too late, I guess, but why did I wait so long?!
Senior year also brought me my first callback for the school musical. I'd auditioned every year but never received a callback. I was convinced it was my weight, although I'll never know for sure. The part I was given a callback for was the Stepmother from Cinderella. I went to the callbacks, was given the music to sing (in front of everyone that had been called back) and screwed it up. BIG TIME. I mean, it was terrible. I was nervous, sure, but this was different. I'm not sure if I was self-sabotaging myself for some reason, but MAN! This was BAD.
Needless to say I didn't get the part. But a friend of mine did, and she later won an award for the part! (Ok, I was super jealous, but she was a really sweet girl, and I was happy for her.)
Graduation came. Myself, along with a group of friends were nominated to sing the Star Spangled Banner at graduation, which was awesome!
I was planning to go to a nearby Cal State school to study musical theatre, and enjoyed my summer before college.
College began, but I soon dropped out. The Musical Theatre program was too competitive for me - I didn't have the talent nor the confidence to pursue it. (Plus, in one of my acting classes the teacher filmed us and made us watch ourselves afterwards. YUCK.)
So I got a job. Drank too much beer. Ate too much fast food. Didn't take care of myself the way I should.
Then I heard about Lap Band surgery. Oh, did I think that was the answer to all my prayers.
So, in August of 2007, I had the Lap Band surgery. The morning of the surgery I weighed over 300 pounds. And I vowed to never see that number again. (Which I haven't, thankfully!) I lost about 30 pounds in a few months. I stayed at that weight for a while.
Then I got pregnant.
Had my son in September of 2010.
In January 2012 I began to work really hard to FINALLY lose the weight, and I lost 26 pounds...before I found out I was pregnant.
Which brings me to NOW. My second son is 10 weeks old and I'm ready to start losing weight AGAIN.
Hopefully, Part 3 will be the end of My Fat Story.
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