My Fat Story: Part 2

In middle school PE we had to get tested for scoliosis by taking off our shirts in the locker room and bending forward so the doctor could check our spine. They warned us a week before to expect this. I was horrified.
I would have to take off my shirt in front of all the girls in my PE class?! NO WAY. So I asked my mom to get me out of it. Bless her heart, she did. (Sort of.) I was allowed to be excused from the test if I got a doctor's note and was tested by my doctor at her office. So that's what I did. Spared from embarassment! (Only to be embarassed repeatedly by my weight over the next few years...)

Life continued.
I was still in choir. I took an after school drama class. We had auditions for a musical - The Wizard Of Oz. I got a part. One that I was none too happy about. The Tinman. (WHAT!? I had to play a MAN?! NOOOO WAY.)
I thought this was surely because of my weight. I was so upset that the poor drama teacher actually gave me the part of Glinda, and gave another girl the part of the Tinman.
Life continued.
I wasn't happy with my weight, but I wasn't willing to do anything to change it. I liked my sweets, Diet Coke, chips, and everything that all my beautiful friends got to eat that I knew I shouldn't.

I found ways to hide myself at pool parties, at the beach, changing clothes in the PE locker room.

The first big step I took was in the summer before middle school. My mom and I had seen an ad for a weight loss summer camp in the back of a magazine, Camp La Jolla. We took a tour of the facilities, and I decided I'd try it out. 6 weeks of living away from home, eating healthy, exercising 6+ hours a day, and hopefully losing LOTS of weight.

I lasted almost all of those 6 weeks. I was SO homesick, and when a close friend was hospitalized, I used that as an excuse to leave early.

I lost 20 pounds. I was proud of it, but I didn't notice the change I'd hoped for. I was discouraged. I was wearing smaller clothes, but I wasn't being asked out by the cute boys or getting the lead in the musicals I auditioned for.

Then high school began. WOW. Boys went from being "cute" to "hot". Girls went from wearing jean shorts to skirts so short that they couldn't bend a certain way for fear of their "ladyparts" being exposed. Some kids did drugs. Some had sex. Some drank alcohol. It was a big change, but I loved it.

I did show choir. I took French because my grandma had taken it in school and because I thought it was prettier than Spanish. PE was still a nightmare. But I was enjoying life, even though I vowed to lose weight, eat less, starve myself, etc. It never worked. Something just hadn't clicked in my head yet.

I had crushes. LOTS of crushes. But the guys never liked me. My best friends had boyfriends. People went on dates. But I didn't.

I spent most Friday nights sitting at home dreaming about what it would be like to be skinny and have a boyfriend, or to be famous, or to be the popular girl at school. Why wasn't I doing anything about it, though? I don't know.

Over the years, I've had plenty of embarassing moments. Oh I'm sure at some point I'll share them with you. But none like the moment at Winter Formal my senior year.