i'm gonna be honest...

...I was REALLY motivated to start working out and eating right after my last few posts, and after reliving all my bad experiences through My Fat Story.

Then life got in the way.

I got busy with taking care of my sons and preparing for my oldest to start daycare. I got busy with diaper changes, loads of laundry, cooking meals for my family, running errands, cleaning up messes, and giving baths to spend the time to take care of ME. (I'm sure every mom out there has a similar story...)

I know it's important to take time for myself. So why don't I? I'm not sure. I would LOVE time to spend on myself - to plan healthy meals, to organize my fridge and pantry, to take a nice long bath instead of standing in the kitchen after dinner and eating junk.

I thought that putting myself out there (here) on the blog with personal information and stories and fears and insecurities would "scare" me into making the right choices. But what I've learned is that it's all up to me. Lap Band surgery couldn't MAKE me eat less. Being embarassed in front of other people didn't MAKE me lose weight. Only I can MAKE me lose weight. And I desperately want to. I just have to DO IT.

So I guess this is more of a pep talk to myself than anything else. I need to get the junk out of the kitchen, make the right choices, and learn that FOOD DOESN'T MAKE ME HAPPY - my children, my family, my friends, sunshine, rain, waking up - all those things make me happy.

Food is just fuel for my body. It's not comfort. I'd much rather get a hug from one of my sons than eat a cookie. I just need to remember that.