a breakthrough.

I haven't weighed myself since I took the picture of my weight last week.
I haven't put any effort into losing weight, unfortunately. (And I wonder why I still haven't lost weight...?)

My older son is sick, and we've been pretty lazy around the house while I try to get him better. (This is the one thing I was afraid of, with him starting daycare - getting sick!!)

Lots of sleepless nights.

Lots of hand washing and snot wiping.

So needless to say I haven't spent any time on myself. But that's okay. I need to stop being so hard on myself. I need to stop making myself feel guilty all the time.

A day or so ago my son (who has been refusing to eat any food) was begging for some ice cream. The only thing we had in our freezer was a box of Weight Watchers Giant Fudge popsicles, and he wasn't going to stop begging until he got one. We went through our usual dance..."You can't have ice cream before your lunch"..."Mama said no!"..."You don't need ice cream right now"...and on and on. I began to get MAD that he was begging for ice cream and that he wouldn't let it go.

Then it hit me.

My SON wasn't the one that had bought the groceries and decided to buy popsicles... I was. Why should I be mad/frustrated with him? He didn't put the ice cream there! If it wasn't in the freezer, he wouldn't see it and be able to beg for it.

So that was my breakthrough. Might sound silly or whatever, but it really hit me that I needed to be a better example for my kids. I don't want them to grow up with a fat mom. I want to be the mom they are PROUD to introduce to their friends. That they are PROUD to have stand on the sidelines of their baseball or soccer or football games. The mom that can be a healthy example to them. The mom that I always DREAMT I'd be.

And it starts now.

Since I don't have the financial luxury to throw out all the unhealthy groceries in our kitchen, I've started to phase some things out. Like the Diet Coke I asked my fiance to buy on his way home from work one night when I thought I just HAD TO HAVE it - I poured it down the drain. Like I've said before, my fiance can stand to gain some poundage...so I've been making his lunches and incorporating some of the foods that I don't want in the home. Examples of some things in our pantry (that I'm not proud of)? Frito's chili cheese chips, Swedish Fish, Hershey kisses, frozen french fries, chicken nuggets, hot chocolate mix...the list goes on.

As I'm phasing those things out of the house, I'm going to bring healthier options in. If my son is hungry and wants a snack, there won't BE unhealthy options available for him. (Not that we can't splurge occasionally or have a treat once in a while. But if it's not in the home, and we have to actually go out to get it, I think we're less likely to eat it.)

So, here's to a healthy start! *insert clinking water glasses here!*

I'm going to start posting more recipes, more pictures, and more updates on my progress. My birthday is in mid-July and I want to have a pool party! But NOT without some significant weight loss, people!!

TMI WARNING: Just heard a gurgle from downstairs in the diaper area of my 11 week old...we're all sick at the moment with something awful...can't wait for this to be over! No more diarrhea for this mama!! Ha ha.